UPDATE - Issue 37 - Summer 2009
Timothy Hoare’s Prostate Cancer journey
by his wife, Felicity
Tim was someone who felt he should not waste money on himself which meant that he did not take advantage of private health checks during the crucial years when his prostate cancer could so easily have been diagnosed through a simple PSA test. He was old fashioned enough to believe that the GP would advise him what to do. He asked for a PSA test over a couple of years but was told it was not necessary. Eventually, he had one in 1996 and the result was a count of 45. Tim was 64. As a family, we were devastated, especially as he was given a very gloomy outlook by our GP who didn’t really know what to say.
Tim felt disbelief, then anger and then a deep sense of guilt that he had not looked after his health. He was given all sorts of advice from well-meaning medical and non-medical friends and did research himself. He made appointments with two urologists, making copious notes and after reflection, felt strongly that he wanted to be under Professor Roger Kirby.
That was the start of a very happy nine-year partnership with Roger. Tim was so grateful to have his feelings and opinions taken seriously and to be able to discuss what each step along the way might be. Tim responded to the various drugs in a positive way and had a really good quality of life for nine years, before being under an oncologist colleague of Roger’s for his final three years. The most worrying aspect of all those years were the very regular PSA tests which Tim had to have. What a roller-coaster this is for men with prostate cancer and their families and the cause of such anxiety.
" asked for a PSA test but was told it was not necessary "
Roger’s best advice to us at one of our first meetings, was to spend time in the sun each winter if we could. This was to strengthen his bones against the take-up of the cancer cells. Not only are we sure that this really benefited Tim, slowing the cancer down, but just as importantly it strengthened our marriage, being able to spend prime-time together at a time when there can be such pressure and tension within the strongest of relationships.
As a family, we decided to be totally up-front about Tim’s prostate cancer. We immediately created a long e-mail list of friends and family giving them regular up-dates over the next twelve years. This became an amazing support base for us as a family, allowed people to feel comfortable when talking to us about Tim’s cancer and alerted many to the need for PSA tests.
In 2005 I was told about the first Hike for Hope by Marcus Setchell who had decided to team up with Roger and get together as large a group as possible to raise money for their two charities – Wellbeing of Women and Prostate UK. I signed up straight away realising that this would be a great chance to give back something after all the expert care which Tim had had.
" strenghthened our marriage, being able to spend prime-time together "
To be able to raise money for research which would benefit others in the future, seemed incredibly important and became a crusade during the next nine months! Our friends were enthusiastic and amazingly generous. That Hike (Hike for Hope 1) raised an incredible £600,000 shared equally by the two charities for vital research. Our family felt so thankful to others who had funded research in the past, which enabled Tim to have the drugs which prolonged a really good quality of life for those twelve precious years and which enabled him to see our three children happily married and to rejoice in getting to know eight wonderful grandchildren. Tim was the most uncomplaining of patients, more concerned about others than himself. Always cheerful and very courageous he was loved by all and we miss him so terribly.
Tim with his twin daughters Louisa and Kate holding two
of his eight grandchildren
The first Hike was challenging, with varied terrain and very beautiful. The organisation of the whole event was very efficiently carried out in a low key way and I wouldn’t have missed it for anything. I was immensely grateful for the support Tim, my family and friends gave me.
Before he died in January 2008, Tim urged me to sign up for Hike for Hope 3 from which I have just returned. The nights in our Bedouin camps under star studded cloudless skies with minimal light pollution were magic. I definitely earned my sponsorship climbing vast sand dunes and walking for many hours each day on very dry loose volcanic rock. We had minimal holes in the sand for loos and a couple of very makeshift showers. All in all, a wonderful weeks experience with a lovely group of friends and interesting new acquaintances.